Express your inner beauty, outwardly.

How To Love Yourself First & End The Cycle of Toxic Relationships

Posted by Richard Thomas on

I was having a conversation with a friend today, Trevor, and I was able to share some insight and advice that I decided to share here, in case the information can benefit some of my readers.
The situation was that Trevor was seeing this guy and he had done all of these nice things to help him out, but the guy ultimately got back with his ex. You know the story. Trevor honestly couldn’t understand what happened and why this guy chose to leave him.

While you who is reading this may relate to exactly the same circumstances, what follows applies to any unhealthy relationships – from romantic to friendships.

It all really boils down to the fact that we have grown up in a world misguided where many Truths have been hidden. Not only has the Truth been hidden, but often we have been led to believe the exact opposite.

Where we should’ve been taught to Love ourselves, we were told we are selfish. When we should’ve been allowed the time and space to cultivate our emotional body, we were shamed and told not to feel that way. When we should’ve been going within to realize the truth of who we are, we were told to make sure everyone else was supported.

Trevor couldn’t understand why this guy left him even though Trevor paid his cell phone bill, let him use his car, moved him in, and fed him. From Trevor’s perspective, he couldn’t understand how one would want to leave someone who was genuinely so nice and did such things for you.

I explained that when you do all of these things for someone who is struggling with life that it makes it really difficult for them not to stay as long as their needs are being met. When someone wants to date you who isn’t getting his bills paid, that is when you will know that there are no ulterior motives.

Illumination of the Truth of the situation is when you realize your own responsibility in this scenario & that you are not in fact a victim. If you didn’t feel that you were unworthy and undeserving of love, you wouldn’t put up with such nonsense. Someone like that wouldn’t even come into your sphere of existence.

As long as you are believing that you are undeserving of Love you cannot find it. Instead, you will be met again & again with confirmation of your belief – that you aren’t worth it.

At this point, you may be thinking about how it is your nature to be kind and help those in need. But I have another perspective on this. First of all, you can change your nature because we, literally, recreate ourselves at every moment. Foundational behavioral changes like this do not happen overnight, but all you need to do really, is set an intention to change, and life will lead you in that direction.

I’m all about helping the less fortunate but there are a couple of things to consider here. One thing is that you shouldn’t help someone if the help you provide ends up being the cause of your suffering and to your own detriment.

The other really important thing is that our souls incarnate here on this planet to learn certain lessons and have experiences. So often, when you have the best of intentions, your ‘help’ is actually doing the receiver a disservice. You can pay someone’s rent for so long but eventually, they are still going to have to get evicted so that the aspect of their soul can learn the lesson.

You have no control over how anyone else feels. You can try to temporarily be their source of happiness, which only teaches them away from the truth that happiness is cultivated from within. Eventually, you will disappoint them and not live up to their expectation. People are going to feel how they choose to feel by choosing their perspectives.

You only have control over how you feel and the way that you control how you feel is by being selective about the thoughts that you think. When you reconcile the Truth of this and decide that how you feel is the most important thing and should be your primary focus – only then will you be on the road to loving yourself and when you love yourself and are connected to the Truth of who you really are, people benefit just by being in your presence.
When you are exalted in living your Truth, people learn more from experiencing this than anything you could ever explain with words or teach them.

Another key piece here is where your power resides. You have no control over any other sovereign being and there is no need to. People will be people, but what you can control is whether or not you choose to allow them into your life experience. Every single time you allow someone to mistreat you, you make a statement to the universe that not only will you allow this kind of treatment, but, that you like it and want more of it. In the same way, every time you decide that you aren’t going to put up with being mistreated and you hold yourself to a place of deserving more respect, you also make a statement. Every choice in every moment sets a new standard. Be sure you are creating the future you want with these affirmations.
You have to say F&^% every one for

a while. This doesn’t make you a terrible person. We simply need to take the time to love and appreciate ourselves so that we can love and appreciate others because we have realized that we are them and they are us & there really is no separation.


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